For the people of Teesside, the answer appears to be Cleveland Police.
When not dealing with metal thefts, drug dealing or drunken violence, Teesside’s finest are being called on to investigate the supernatural.
A Freedom of Information request shows the force’s Mulder and Scullys have been probing Teesside’s own X Files.
In the past five years, officers have been called on several occasions by the public fearful of spooky phenomena.
:: A caller stating he has ghosts hiding behind his settee;
:: A resident who believed their alarm had been set off by “Mary the Ghost”;
:: A person who found a tuna wrap and carton of grapes not belonging to anyone in the house and believed they were brought in by a ghost, and
:: A caller who said there was a ghost in their house, which her boyfriend was now hunting - although it may have been a reflection.
Officers also fielded calls about whether there’s life beyond Earth.
The FOI information also revealed numerous calls from the public reporting UFOs.
These include a caller reporting three “strange blue lights” in the sky in Middlesbrough. However, an investigation by officers discovered that the sighting was not a visitor from a distant planet but a nightclub laser.
A Cleveland Police spokeswoman said: “We do not receive many calls relating to supernatural incidents. However, any such call would be assessed and dealt with according to the information made available to us at the time.
“Any such calls are dealt with on a case by case basis and there is no firm procedure in place for so-called supernatural incidents.”
For those of a nervous disposition, however, the force revealed the reassuring news that it has received no reports of witches, werewolves, vampires, zombies, demons and wizards over the five years.