GRANDMOTHER PLAGUED BY `OCTOPUS GROPING` GHOST

A British grandmother claimed that she cannot sleep at night as she is plagued by a groping, octopus-like ghost that is haunting her apartment.
Doris Birch, 73, said the ghost began haunting her home in Herne Bay, on England's southeastern coast, four months ago.
"It's like an octopus," she told local newspaper the Herne Bay Times. "It started four months ago. I was lying in bed when I felt this creepy pair of hands. I kicked frantically, and it went away. Next time it came, I hurled the duvet on to the floor."
She added, "But the ghost keeps coming back. I've tried sleeping without the duvet. But it started shaking my mattress. I even threw the mattress off the bed and bought a new one, but it has made no difference."
Birch has turned to her vicar and local ghost hunters to help rid her of the unwelcome guest.
"I told the vicar, and he said it is a lost spirit," she said. "What I want to know is, why has it got lost in my flat?"
She continued, "People are going to think I am [crazy], but it is as real as the day to me. I'm not lonely. I love living alone. But this is very creepy and is giving me the jitters. It's harassing me. I need to call in the Ghostbusters."
Hugh-Nigel Sheehan, Birch's local Methodist minister, said, "I was approached by Mrs. Birch, but I fear I am not in a position to help. Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. I have no expertise in this at all."